Incredibly Specific Playlist #7: Backyard Pool MILF
Bryan Adams. Sheryl Crow. Rihanna. This summer is for doing you, deliciously.
Summer is for being hot. Which is obvious. Because of the temperature and stuff. But also, summer is for being hot. Attractive hot. I don’t need to explain this to you. Millions of songs already have. Including some on the playlist I’m about to show you.
In the middle of May, it started getting summer levels of hot in my home base of Indianapolis. I learned in the middle of one workday that I was exposed to a co-worker who had tested positive for Covid. (That was, like, a variant and a half ago. Can you believe?) So, according to company policy, I went home to work from my couch for five days, assuming I’d test negative. (I did.)
While this was happening, I’d started taking my first-ever anti-anxiety medication, which sometimes makes you feel more anxiety. (I won’t get into it. If you wanted to hear about the ins and outs of pretty girls taking SSRIs, there are hundreds of other newsletters you could be reading besides this one.) So with the uncertainty about my Covid status, my medicine-craziness, and my being homebound, I needed something to lift my spirits fast. So I drove to Target at 4:30 pm and picked up the blow-up pool I ordered online.
Despite having an autumn birthday and a mostly indoorsy personality, I am to my core a summer girl, which is a direct result of growing up with a pool in my backyard. I also spent four summers as a lifeguard. Now, as an adult splitting the rent of an urban-adjacent house, I have less access to chlorine-treated water than I have in my entire life. Buying this tiny pool filled a space within my self-concept emptied by adulthood. Like when I put on a sundress and go read somewhere on a Sunday morning instead of going to church. Or when I YouTube search the Wii Just Dance choreography to “Hey Ya!” and dance it in the middle of the day while I work from home.
For the first time in my life, this pool of mine was unburdened by anyone else’s expectations. I could listen to whatever music, podcasts, or books I wanted. I could wear any of my swimsuits without worrying about whether or not I have a “summer body.” I could have a cocktail in the backyard at 10 am. (Usually I have enough self control to not do this. Usually.)
And at some point, in the backyard by myself— baseball hat on, iced coffee in hand, untanned cleavage on display— I said out loud to myself “MILF vibes.”
What makes a mother a MILF? A two-piece swimsuit and proximity to a pool, sure. But also a mindset. A caution thrown to the wind in a world where it seems mothers are shamed for their parenting on social media by some contingency no matter what choice they make. A world where being a mother is an incredibly difficult decision to make, and sometimes it’s not a decision you make on your own.
What makes a mom a MILF might also be what makes a mom a great mom: the ability to make decisions for herself and her kids that are the best for them only, regardless of what strangers or even friends and family say. And when I feel like a childless MILF in my backyard pool, I’d like to think I’m embodying that same thing: making choices just for me, just because I can.
So enjoy these 70s, 80s, 90s, and 00s throwbacks while you sun your hair, narrowly avoid skin cancer, and feel the fullness of your autonomy. That’s ultimately what makes you fuckable.
HERE’S THE PLAYLIST:
LISTEN TO THIS PLAYLIST WHILE YOU:
Rub “sun tan lotion” on your legs (even if that “sun tan lotion” is SPF 55)
Put a little splash of grenadine into the brightest-colored cup in your kitchen
Pick out a hat to wear to the beach because it’s “so fun!”
THE MOST “THIS PLAYLIST” SONG ON THIS PLAYLIST:
Okay yeah you knew “Stacy’s Mom” was gonna be on this. It had to be, right? The song contains obvious themes of matronly desire. And I’m honestly not sure how many songs we as a culture have that glorify the hotness of moms. Or dads, I guess, for that matter. But I feel like there’s a million female-fronted punk bands out of Washington D.C. or Philadelphia or wherever called Hot Dad. But all hot moms (or aspiring hot moms) see themselves in Stacy’s.
THIS DOESN’T LOOK LIKE IT BELONGS HERE BUT I PROMISE IT DOES:
“Believe” by Cher. I don’t know, guys. Is a MILF even a MILF if she doesn’t believe in life after love?
THE TRUE STAR OF THIS PLAYLIST:
This is something I stumbled upon while making this playlist: why has Mariah Carey made some of the greatest hot mom vibe songs of our time? (Maybe I’m biased because I myself have a Gen X mom.) But seriously. There’s a level of glamour to her catalogue that’s perfect for looking out into the distance and winking at an imaginary pool boy.
MY PERSONAL FAVORITE SONG ON THIS PLAYLIST:
I love so many of the songs on this list but I’m giving the honor to “You’re so Vain” by Carly Simon for being the absolute right mix of motherly and fuckable. It coats you with honey butter and fries you in a pan. It’s wearing your saccharine, warm, opinionated self on your sleeve. It’s 70s sassy sensuality. Plus, look at the summer imagery! Walking onto a yacht! Clouds in your coffee! DELICIOUS! I would like to go for a swim in Carly Simon’s voice. And her body of work. And the chords of this song.
And the pool in my backyard. I’m gonna go do that now. But in the meantime, if you want to educate your peers on how to vibe MILFily, you should totally
And if you’re really digging having your seasonal vibes chosen on your behalf (because you’re a busy person and vibe curation is hard!), you can get alerted of more playlists through this newsletter when you
Happy summer, folks. Have fun. Be decisive. Be hot.