Incredibly Specific Playlist #4: romcom protagonist
Carly Rae Jepsen. Vampire Weekend. Lorde. Real life is romantic, dammit.
HeyHelloHi! Thank you for letting me make this robot email you. And thank you for listening to the playlists I spend way too long curating. Think of all the skills I could have learned instead. I could be speaking fluent Greek by now. But it’s okay that I don’t, because this month’s playlist is CUTE!
I believe that at any given moment, I am a character in a romantic comedy. Sometimes I’m an extra at a table next to the leads at a restaurant. Sometimes I’m a work/school/yoga class friend played by an up-and-coming Brooklyn comedian who says a single line and is not featured in the rest of the film. Sometimes I’m the best friend of the lead who loudly hears the details of her dates while on the phone and also at the nail salon. (I am this character frequently, as a size-10 blonde woman whose friends genuinely enjoy talking to her on the phone. And especially as someone known to ask fun-cute-intrusive sex questions.)
But in my most favorite times of life, I am the protagonist. And that’s not just when I’m actively working towards a relationship. When I’m going on a first date that just doesn’t click? I’m in the very first scene, just minutes away from a meet-cute. When I’m trying on clothes in a department store while trying to think of a fun reply to my Bumble match? That’s just a shopping montage. When I’m sad and staring out the window at my office and in my car and glancing over at the empty right side of my bed? Oh, honey, we’re in the story’s third act. The lip is quivering. The texts from two months ago are scrolled to. The Iron and Wine is flooding my senses like emotional white noise.
Being a romcom protagonist is a great and fun outlook to have when you have a crush. It’s also a good way to remind yourself that having a crush is fun, and not your duty as a modern citizen with a sex drive and a cell phone. Maybe this is not a problem for everyone! Maybe you’re reading this and thinking “Kait, why would you need to be reminded that having a crush is fun?”
Because having a crush is exhausting and it’s time we as a society admit it. You have to think days in advance about what outfit you put on. You have to practice speaking in the mirror so you don’t say something an alien studying American English on tape might say. You have to remember principles from your undergraduate communication theory classes to decide if you’re gonna reply to a text with “lol,” “haha,” or an emoji printed on some fifth grader’s Crocs somewhere.
It gets to be a lot: the waiting for a text, the times they answer a question differently than you thought they would, the incessant checking of the Instagram story views. But viewing your life as a big fun lighthearted narrative is a beautiful balm for that. Relationships are work, but crushes are indulgences!
The second a crush starts to become a documentary you’re forcing yourself to watch to seem smarter at work and not a trashy, decadent treat for yourself after a lackluster Thursday, it’s time to stop the effort and go find a little moment of bliss. Get up early and watch the sun rise! Take a shower and sing and wear matching pajamas when you’re done! Rollerblade through your neighborhood! Why wouldn’t you? You’re Sandra Effing Bullock!
Now go and romanticize your life with this collection of songs. Some of these are pulled directly from scenes in romantic comedies, classic and otherwise. (Two may have been pulled from the Netflix Christmas movie Love Hard. Which I watched and enjoyed, sloppy corporate streaming service schlock be damned.) Others were destined to find their way into a romcom eventually— written with a certain dreamy lilt meant to fall in love to, fall in like to, or fall into a wedding cake to. Wow, so clumsy! Silly me! Why doesn’t a nice groomsman in a suit go get me cleaned up?
HERE’S THE PLAYLIST: “romcom protagonist”
LISTEN TO THIS PLAYLIST WHILE YOU:
Pick out your outfit for the first day of your new job in your new city, the one that’s gonna change everything
Walk to the coffee shop where you know the barista with the septum piercing who told you your band t-shirt was cool that one time might be working
Sit by yourself on a park bench with a cute little journal, writing dumb little phrases of prose about birds and trees and rocks and shit
THE MOST “THIS PLAYLIST” SONG ON THIS PLAYLIST:
“She’s So Lovely” by Scouting for Girls plays at the beginning of British young adult fiction adaptation Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging. And maybe other movies too. Probably. I cannot imagine anything else happening when this song plays but someone hitting their alarm, quickly brushing their teeth, running down the stairs, yelling “bye!” to their mom, and hopping onto the school bus to greet their high school friend group that has its own handshake. Can you? Good luck, pal.
THIS DOESN’T LOOK LIKE IT BELONGS HERE BUT I PROMISE IT DOES:
Should I use this space to prove to you that Shrek 2 is a proper romcom? Maybe. I certainly think it’s an important conversation for the greater good. But I’d rather use it to posit that Shrek 2 has one of the best soundtracks in modern cinema. And that the rerecording of David Bowie’s “Changes” by the late Bowie and Butterfly Boucher is an endlessly re-listenable jam. (Imagine a better name for a musician featured on the Shrek 2 soundtrack than Butterfly Boucher.) When I listen to this, I’ve just washed my long lovely hair and I’m leaning out the window. The makeover in my romcom just happened. I’m about to seduce the guy on the elevator. And, much like Shrek, I feel a little more human.
THE TRUE STAR OF THIS PLAYLIST:
What is Jack Antonoff doing not renting out every single Bleachers song to a writer who make characters say “It’s you. It’s always been you.” to each other? He could be making an absolute killing. Granted, he’s already having a good time making Taylor, Lana, Clairo, etc listen to Bruce Springsteen records on the car rides to sessions (I assume). But once he decides to move on from that, he really should get in touch with whoever’s body Nora Ephron’s spirit decides to inhabit.
MY PERSONAL FAVORITE SONG ON THIS PLAYLIST:
“Two Weeks” by Grizzly Bear was in an episode of How I Met Your Mother that made me cry when I was 15 and recovering from wisdom tooth surgery. It made me daydream about being an adult who is deeply in love and can look out at her life and all of the beautiful things that love has created within it. I probably assumed that my life would look different at age 23 than it does now. (Namely, how many times per month I go to Taco Bell.) But I think that love has still created so many beautiful things in my life. Like growth. And friendships. And some of the songs I’ve written. And sharing a house with a three-legged cat!
This song sounds like hope. Like looking out at your many future selves and waving at them, knowing they wouldn’t be who they are if you weren’t who you are right now. You see yourself on the first day of your honeymoon; hanging out on the porch watching your kids play; dancing with your friends now that you’re all middle-aged and inhibition-free. All of these yous sprung from the same you that ordered McDonald’s breakfast on DoorDash this morning. And they all love you. Acknowledging the ceaseless continuum of what love means in your life is the most romantic thing of all to me. I can’t wait to see which of my loved ones they cast Judy Greer to play.
Enjoy this month’s playlist, my lovebugs. If you feel compelled, I would absolutely love it if you would
And while you’re at it, if you haven’t,
And whether or not you’re a high-powered she-EO too busy working at your business office to find love, don’t be afraid to let your ponytail down and feel a little sparkly inside.